On the main screen of Mario Kart Wii, you can see the cups you’ve won as they are displayed on your license. This was a very good idea, it makes it very easy to see which race you’ll want to play next before you even start the game. The problem with this system is that it only shows you the medal you got (that is, gold, silver or bronze.) Unfortunately, there is no way for you to see your rankings.

I am in the process of trying to get a star rating on every cup. I know I have some star ratings for each class, but I can never remember which class I need to be working on. Class, however, is the FIRST thing I have to decide after I click on Single Player Race. Choosing Class first is not *bad* per-se, but I then have to choose a character, vehicle and drift type before I can even see the rankings that I have in each cup. At which point, if I have picked the wrong class I have to back all the way out and start over again.

Now, this could be easily solved by having a “View Records” tab, which actually showed you your racing records for each track and not a bunch of mildly interesting but mostly unimportant statistics. (Some of the statistics are neat to see and I do wish they had more of them, but that is not the point I am trying to drive at right now.)

But a second solution and potentially more beneficial one would be to simply choose the Cup right after the Class. First off you would choose a Class, then choose a cup. This way, if you chose the wrong Class you would only jump back one page to make your change. After choosing the Cup you could then choose your Character, Vehicle and Drift and you would be set to go. You could even throw in a “Here are your settings, all set?” page at the end.

Is this important? Overall, this really isn’t going to bother most gamers who play Mario Kart Wii. It’s a little thing. That said, little stuff matters. It’s the small fine tuned perfections that make a good game into a great game.

The Rant:

If there is one thing that I loathe in video games, one thing that I cannot stand, one thing that sends me into controller wrenching rage, it’s arbitrary rating systems. Having a rating system is bad enough. HONESTLY, if I wanted a computer to tell me I suck at video games, I’d write program to insult me while I played.

The rating system in Mario Kart Wii (and DS) is absolutely worthless. All me to reiterate: the RATING SYSTEM is ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS.

Let me explain.

First off, the rating system is a cross between a letter grading system and a star rating system. You can get an E, D, C, B, A, ☆, ☆☆ or ☆☆☆ rating. E is bad, it means you are a terrible person and probably don’t have any friends. It also means you need to play more Mario Kart or go back to collecting those pet rocks you find in your driveway. ☆☆☆ Is the best rating you can get. It means that you are either an arrogant hack, who doesn’t have any friends or a nerdy gamer who has playing nothing but Mario Kart for 5 years straight and as a result doesn’t have any friends. (Please send your complaints to complaints@blueshellmagnet.com)

Having one rating system is bad enough, having two is downright ridiculous. How am I suppose to know that a star is better than an A? How do I know when the star ratings stop? Most star ratings go to five stars! ( ☆☆☆☆☆ ) Why does this one go to three?

Secondly, a rating system is designed to judge and compare things. When I am awarded an A, I don’t have a clue as to what I am being compared to. I won all the races in first place, I finished a full lap in front of the computer players, (*cough* 50cc) I blocked a huge number of items, etc… Maybe I feel I did awesome on this set of races. I felt really good about it and everything went well. Yet, my rating is lower than last time I played, even though I thought I did awful back then.

Even more annoying than Nintendo’s mutated rating system is the lack of documentation that supports it. I could live with the brain-dead judgement system that some disgruntled underpaid misanthrope developed in the bowels of Nintendo headquarters, (complaints@blueshellmagnet.com) had they just provided instructions with it.

Example Instructions:

Finishing in each place gives you points. The three racers with the most points at the end of the cup will receive a trophy. Your driving will also be graded. Try to get the highest rating you can! (We want to encourage you to do a good job in this game, because we know you are an under achieving slob who always tries to lose at games and don’t understand the concept of being the best!) To get a three star rating (the best rating, because five stars was too much after we added in all those obnoxious letters), just do the following during the length of the cup:

__ Get first in all races
__ Hit 10 opponents with red shells
__ Be hit with 327 Blueshells
__ Spend 5 minutes doing drift turns around corners
__ Throw the blasted Wii-Mote through your television screen
__ Shove a screwdriver into your left eyeball
__ Draft behind one opponent
__ Pull of 3 tricks while going off jumps

But instead Nintendo sends us out with these instructions:

Actual Instructions from Page 12 of the game manual:

You earn points based on your placement in a race. After you complete all four courses, your points are added together to determine your overall ranking. Gold, silver, and bronze trophies are awarded for first, second, and third place overall. Your driving technique will also be ranked.

Screenshot of the manual, page 12.

Mario Kart is a game about control. Most of the game is out of the control of the player. I can’t control when a computer uses a lightning bolt, throws a blueshell, barrels into me from behind with a star and throws me off the course. The gall of Nintendo to offer to rate me on my performance, which is not entirely under my control, and then not even tell me the requirements for the rating is so amazingly stupid I can’t even come up with a decent anecdote for it! They might as well rank me on the performance of the person in second. Or the time of day I play. Or the weather outside. I don’t know, maybe they do.

No, I’m not bitter at all.

Okay, that’s enough ranting.

The Info You Are Looking For: How to get a 3 Star Rating in Mario Kart Wii

This is not easy. This is so not easy. I have yet to get a three star rating in Mario Kart Wii. I also have yet to find anyone who is capable of explaining the rules to me.

Tough to Find has a series of posts which offer a series of marginally helpful tips ‘Tips from Marv.’ You can find his articles here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

But I’ll post his main points here for your convenience. (His site offers a paragraph or two of description and explanation for each tip.)

1. practise [sic]
2. choose a character and vehicle and stick with it
3. bikes are better
4. turbo after spin out
5. what counts as a 3 star race? …no-one exactly knows!
6. give up on the wheel
7. learn from others
8. trailing items to defeat red shells
9. turbo at start and on corners
10. go manual
11. use tricks
12. turbo when you fall off
13. Avoiding POW blocks
14. you can sometimes avoid a blue shell
15. hang back slightly on the first course
16. use drafting
17. stay on the main part of the track
18. be lucky! Or patient…

Many of his points are just simple rules to play by, others a speculative suggestions. Overall I didn’t find it terribly helpful, as I did most of those things anyway.

Potentially more helpful was a video I found on YouTube called “How to get 3 stars: Mario Kart Wii” where PhyRemind posted information in the video discription:

All information is factual based and in no way speculated.

50cc: Stay on the course at all times and dont hit walls or edges.(so you cant use mushrooms to do a jump/shortcut by going off course.) Falls allowed: 2 Go ahead and get hit by all the items you want, it wont make a difference.

100c: Wheelies and Tricks. Going off course is okay. 2 Falls allowed

150c: Tricks, item block, take out others with items. 2 Falls allowed

Mirror: Just do all you can do (tricks, items**, dodging.)
2 Falls allowed. (Though its kinda over when you fall just one time)

General Info for all Engine Levels: Dodging a blue shell with a mushroom will give you bonus points in getting a 3 star ranking. Not getting hit a lot in 100cc 150cc Mirror will give you higher chance of 3 stars. You must get 60 points for a 3 star rank. (No, Really?)
**Drift Boosts are always fun to do**

I found this information also to be lacking. Following his advice I was unable to get three stars in 50cc, although, some commenters claimed that it helped them.

Yahoo Answers, interestingly enough, has been rather helpful on the whole issue.

Tim asks this:

How do you earn 3 stars on Mario Kart Wii?
I’m playing through the tracks on Mario Kart Wii. Sometimes when I come first all the time and get 60 points I get one star. Sometimes, (although more rare) I get 2. I’ve read on the Internet you can get 3. How is this determined? We seem to have misplaced the manual so I can’t look it up!

I think the discussion that follows offers some good insights into how things seem to work. Matt A says:

You can get killed, not spend the whole time in first, and still get 3 stars. There seems to be an algorithm at work here. I think that it is based on some of the following criteria:

Time spent in first place
Opponents that you hit
Number of times you were hit (fewer is better)
Items dodged (probably includes running a clean race and trying not to fall off ledges or run off the road)
Total seconds that you win by
Tricks performed during the races

If you can max out these criteria, you are certainly in a good position to reach the 3 stars. Good luck!

And of course suggerdaddy wins the clueless answer of the week award:

go on and keep trying.because i am about to get it and when i get the manual i will tell u right away

(complaints@blueshellmagnet.com)

A three star rating implies that it’s a ‘perfect’ match. I would guess that’s a misnomer. For reasons mentioned in my rant, if Nintendo required perfection most certainly the computer players would mess everything up every time.

I think the main criteria is track time. I’m guessing there are other criteria, but time has to be pretty strongly counted. If you can pull of an amazing time in grand prix mode, that means you are driving *really* well and are not getting hit by many items. Getting hit by items really slows you down.

I’m sure there are little things like wheelies, tricks and turn boosts that are taken into account as well, but those things really just boil down to a faster time.

If you came to me today and said “I *need* to get three stars on everything. How Can I do it?” I would have to say, unlock and beat the expert staff ghost on every track. Then go and play grand prix mode until your eyes bleed.

As for me, I’ll be content when I can get one star on every cup and unlock the blasted karts and karacters. (Characters. Sorry, Donkey Kong slip of the fingers.)

If you know something I don’t, please post it here. As I find out more, I’ll update things as well.