Simple, you’re this games Greenshell Magnet.

You’re the shmuck who drew the short straw. You get nailed by all the shells. This is kartma. It lasts throughout the race, sometimes the entire 4 race series.

It gets better! The mirror image of this: The Greenshell replant (boy, that need’s a catchier name.) This lucky jerk just won’t get hit. This always seems to be a computer.

I can’t be the only one feeling this. Someone help me believe that it’s not just a curse on me!

Procedure: Play Mario Kart with brother. I drive, brother times star lengths and records data. (We switch near the end as we both tired from data gathering.)

Here’s the data:

And a bar graph of the average star times:

For each game I started up 50cc Grand Prix, played as Mario in the default kart. I typically hung around 8th place, and sometimes very far behind. On some games it was hard to get a star on others it was ridiculously easy.*

It would appear that the average star length is about the same for all the games, but is longer for the N64. That doesn’t surprise me, because it feels longer. What does surprise me is that the Wii is so close to Double Dash.

Now, all of the data is taken from remaining in last or close to last place. I am under the assumption that a star in first place on Mario Kart Wii will not last as long as one in last. I was unable to test this theory, however. I got a few stars and was able to make my way towards first place to use it, but failed when I was hit by items that took the star away. I hope to carry out this test later, if I ever find time.

It is interesting that Super Mario Kart had the largest variation in star time. I really expected Mario Kart Wii to be more fickle with star time. I didn’t keep track of my placement when getting or using the stars, but we did note in Super Mario Kart the longest star was spent entirely in 8th place.

If I was going to make a star it would be far better than anything Nintendo could dream up. To start a star would have a set time limit of say, eight or ten seconds. But you could gain star time by running into other players. For example, for every player you hit (or for every time you hit a player) you would gain two seconds. This means that people who are in the middle of a large crowd would be able to gain some. People in first, however, usually don’t have a whole lot of people around them or in front of them, so the star wouldn’t last as long. Oh, did I mention that *anyone* could get a star?

What do you think?

* On games like Mario Kart 64, all you had to do was get an item box while in last place and more than a half lap behind everyone. On the Wii, the process is a bit more difficult. First you must fill out a ‘Star Application’ form and submit it to the local governing authority for approval. (This takes three to six weeks.) After you have submitted your application (along with no less than five character references) you must meet with a ‘Item Box Professional’ to go over star alternatives. In a one or two hour interview you will be guided through a series of alternative items that might be more appropriate to your situation, such as a bullet bill, a super mushroom or a giant mushroom. If after the interview a star is still your best option, you will be asked to take the ‘Star Evaluation Test’ to signify that you understand how to properly care for and use a star. Upon completion of the test you must wait two weeks for the results. If you pass, you receive a ‘Star Working Permit’ which allows you to handle and work with stars. Then you need to spend a month working and caring for stars under someone who already has their ‘Star Permit’. After that month you are then promoted to a ‘Star Permit’ provided everything went well for that month. After which time you may now have, own and use a star. You are not allowed to buy a star, though. You need to catch one in the wild and have it tagged by the star licensing bureau. It usually takes five to seven business days to get your tags in. Finally you now have a star that is your very own and you may use as you like. Permits must be renewed every six months.

The original Mario Kart did not have blueshells. Blueshells were introduced in Mario Kart 64. The concept of a blue shell was that it would race ahead of you and attack the person in first. If there were other racers in the way, it would bowl them over in the process.

This was a great item for people who were in 7 or 8 place. It nailed the person in first but did a bunch of damage along the way. By hitting other racers it gave the last player a chance to catch up and get back in the game.

With Mario Kart Double Dash All that changed.

Now the blue shell had wings and flew along the track till it reached the person in first. Presumably this is because the tracks began to become more complex and had jumps and rockets and tunnels which didn’t allow for shells to follow the path easily.

This wouldn’t necessarily be bad, but what didn’t change were the requirements to get a blueshell. To get a blueshell you had to be fairly far behind, usually in 7 or 8th place. Consequently this weakened the usefulness of a blueshell.

No longer was a blueshell a helpful means of gaining ground, now it was an item of spite. Knocking out the person in first rarely helps the person in 8 or for that matter 12 place (I’m looking at you Mario Kart Wii). A blueshell tossed by someone who can’t possibly win is almost like making an obscene gesture. “I can’t win so screw you!”

A blueshell thrown by someone in last is more of a help to anyone in 2 or 3 place than anything else. A well timed/placed blueshell can determine who wins the race, but it gives the decision to the person in last.

It’s worth nothing that it is possible to receive a blueshell while not in last or second to last place, but it’s typically rather rare.

The blueshells themselves have different quirks, depending on which Mario Kart you are playing. It’s interesting to note their lock-on time. In some games it’s entirely possible to get hit with a blueshell while in second place if you are passed at just the right time.

Another quirk of note is the frequency of blueshells based on the mode played. I haven’t done as much ‘research’ as I would like, but with. Mario Kart Double Dash, in mirror mode, I can see 7 blueshells in one 4 race grand prix. On the other hand I can play through all 4 cups on 50cc and only see one blueshell.

Obviously, I would expect mirror mode to be harder, but a blueshell is the one item which only hurts one person. Every other item is capable of injuring anyone on the track. A blueshell is only guaranteed to take out one person. Frequent appearances of thus blue item is just punishment for the best racers.

So let’s think about this. If I’m a good racer, and good enough to get a half or a quarter of a lap ahead of my opponents, what good will a blueshell do? If I’m far enough ahead, I’ll stay ahead of everyone else, and if I’m good enough to get that far ahead, I’m good enough to get that far ahead again.

Now in Mario Kart Wii, it’s even less likely to get a blueshell if your in the top half of racers which I think is silly because there are 12 racers rather than 8. The proper place for a flying blue shell should be 2-5th place.

I can’t prove this, but it always feels like I get hit with more blueshells than anyone else. Granted, I tend to spend more time in first, especially against the computer players, but when other people are in first I don’t see as many blueshells as when I’m in first. Again, it’s hard to see blueshells if you are not in first or somewhere close, but I just can’t shake the suspicion that the computer hates me.

Only recently have I learned (about) a technique to dodge blueshells. It’s possible, but takes quite a bit of practice. Honestly, this just makes the blueshell even more useless, since it now neither helps any nor provides cathartic pleasure.

So what is the point of the blueshell? Items like the green shell or banana have had a constant mission throughout the years, but it seems to me that the blueshell doesn’t know what it wants to be. Some of this is Nintendo being stupid with their item choosing algorithms (but that’s a whole different blog post.)

What do you think about blueshells?